So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
