I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
