Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize