he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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