one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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