dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
