drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
