I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
