So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
