well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
