we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
