Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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