we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
