Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
