OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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