yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
