whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
