Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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