So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
