ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
