last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
