I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
