You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
