I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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