It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
