Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
