we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
