Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
