If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
