dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
