How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
