Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
