i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
