I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
