I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
