What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize