I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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