if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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