I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
