I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
