Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
