I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
