I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
420 ftw
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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