If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
