i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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