That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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