Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
