did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
