I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
