you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize