Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
