Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
