Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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