I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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