Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
