I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
