Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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