mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
