I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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