i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
