or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
